A Little Mommy Guilt

So I just read a beautifully written article on mommy hood, Friendly Fire.  The article is about the debate between being a SAHM or a working mom.  Truthfully that is not the topic about which I am writing today.  However, she also hit on my topic which is mommy guilt.

Today I am sharing (in an effort to rid myself of) my current BIG-TIME mommy guilt.  This weekend my husband and I are taking a well needed adult vacation.  A few months back I thought I had been thorough in checking schedules for a truly open weekend.  However, I am not sure this really exists.  Alas, after the the date had been chosen there it was on my calendar.  Previously I had missed it, but at that moment it stood out in big capital letters, and in red no less.

WESTERN DAY

Now if you find yourself reading this post and are not a parent you may not be aware of the significance of Western Day to a child.  It is a day in which us city folk dress up in our pristine (because of the lack of appropriate use) western wear and celebrate cowboys, cowgirls, cowpokes, etc.  This is a shot from Western Day last year.

 

So, anyway this is a BIG day in the life of a child.  And there next to the words WESTERN DAY on my calendar is this little thing: 2:15.  Now all you parents know what that means . . . assembly.  And an assembly means a performance, as you can plainly see from above picture.

Now for the guilt part of this post.  I did discover this calendar conflict before the final reservations were made and we could have just postponed our flights until later in the day.  My wonderful hubby and all others involved in the weekend said that they were fine with leaving later in the day.  However, we would lose a whole day of our time away and the big decision was left in my incapable hands.  Incapable because I was in a darned if I did, darned if I didn't situation.  You guys know what I mean.  If we stayed then the kids wouldn't perform well, but if we missed it then everyone in the entire school would be texting me telling me my kids stole the whole show.  Alas, I did what anyone might do in my position . . . left the decision up to my hubby, one who is not plagued with mommy-guilt, and pushed it to the recesses of my mind.

Now the time has arrived and the gnawing is back.  I have arranged for my wonderful friends to take pictures and videos for me; and on Friday morning I will dress them to the nines in their pristine western garb, send them off to school, then scurry out of town with my tail between my legs (mommy-guilt in tow).  

Help in the Kitchen

Okay, so if you don't know this already I am a control FREAK!!  And I mean to the extreme.  For example, it has taken me years of cooking to release the idea of always using a recipe.  I must admit it feels nice to not be so reigned in by the recipe.

Now, though, I need to tackle the big task of allowing my kids to cook with me.  I read all these blogs about these moms who let their very little kids help them in the kitchen.  Every time I try it becomes a bad situation.  The kids just make such big messes and it stresses me to think about twice as much cleaning.

So, here is where I am starting . . . I am trying to really embrace and enjoy cleaning the kitchen.  I figure if I think of the cleaning part as me time then I might actually WANT a bigger mess.  Bigger mess = more time cleaning = more me time.  Sounds feasible, right??  :-)

My other challenge is being okay with the fact that the meal might not turn out just right with the kids helping.  This is another tough one because to think of all that work and food just wasted makes me sad.  So, I need to think of the cooking as the best part and enjoying the meal at the end is just an extra perk.  This is my new goal.

Yesterday I was making homemade french bread and Sean was just dying to get his hands on the flour and the dough.  I must admit that I nixed him playing in the flour, but I did let him knead the dough.  He loved it!  So, the bread turned out a little dense, but we still enjoyed it all the same.

Success!

I must check in to report that my "non-resolution" 2012 is going great so far.  I seem to be accomplishing more by not trying so hard to meet those silly (sometimes unattainable) goals.

Now for my non-success.  I am not writing on my blog as regularly as I would like.  One of my biggest issues is that I write from passion and the pitfall of that is I don't always feel "inspired" to write.  So here is the big question if anyone has any advice . . . How do I make myself write everyday??  

2012

So I guess you could say that its not the best sign that I am making my first post of the new year and it's already the 6th.  Oh well.  I have decided that this will be a good year, but I am not making any resolutions.  I feel that resolutions are a failure trap.  We all want to resolve to do something that we have never been able to do with nothing more to motivate us than the fact that a number has changed in the date.  Now I am not saying this in a negative way, just that so many people (myself included) fail at keeping their resolutions.  Then they laugh it off and say "Oh well, I will just start that next year."  Sound familiar to anyone??  It does to me.

So, this year NO RESOLUTIONS . . . just a commitment to be the best wife, mother, child of God, runner, Sunday school teacher, etc. that I can be!!

Will I continue to better myself and grow and learn??

Well of course!  And on that note

Happy Belated New Year to all!!  May you all have a blessed year and find success, or wisdom and strength through failure, in all you attempt in 2012!

Growing Pains

Okay so there is no funny sentimental joke about the title today, just real growing pains.  You know I am sure that I had them as a kid, but I really have no recollection.  My husband, on the other hand, says he vividly remembers laying in bed at night and just aching from them.  So it came as no surprise to him when Julia would wake up crying saying that her legs hurt.  And he was very diligent about laying in bed with her and rubbing her legs.  She hasn't had them recently, but it was a pretty common occurrence there for a while.

So, a couple of nights ago Sean woke up around midnight crying.  I went in to check on him and couldn't get him to stop or tell me why he was crying.  However, I noticed that he kept moving he legs around uncomfortably.  Finally, after about 10 minutes he said that his legs hurt.  I rubbed them for a little bit, but Daddy soon came to check in and took over.  Guess he is better at leg rubbing than me!
  

One More Year

I've made it through another year (barely, I think) relatively unscathed.  However, since my days and nights revolve around my children I will just talk about them.

Julia-my thoughtful little sweetie who is always concerned about others and wanting to help out; she tells me last night that she loves to help me cook; she spends her fun time at church making me a birthday necklace, bracelet & card; her favorite place to eat it Pluckers because of their ranch wings; she helps me out with her brother & sister; she struggles with talking too much in class; she's my memory;  she's discovered reading and is constantly trying to read everything; my little ray of sunshine!

Sean-my super sensitive, short-tempered, very strong-willed little man; he loves to play on the computer and would all day if I let him, he loves to dress-up; loves hugs & kisses & cuddles;  he's going through a super tough year adjusting to the idea that he doesn't get whatever he wants whenever he wants it; he's finally discovering that he loves all kinds of different foods, but still loves sweets the best;  his favorite place to eat is Freddy's; I think he is finally beginning to discover what it means to be a boy in a house full of sisters; he is so expressive & loves to sing in the shower;  my sweet little man who challenges me every day!!

Laura-my very strong-willed, demanding, independent baby; she refuses to let anyone push her around; she wants to do everything "by myself"; she's my only thumb-sucker and when I tell her to stop, she waves her hand at me and tells me to leave; she has alway put her hand in my face and told me "no" when I have tried to sing to her; she loves her big sister & brother, but pushes them around cause she can;  she loves to eat and will take the food off your plate when you're not looking; she is an animal lover already; she has recently discovered she likes to tell me no; she loves Mickie Mouse & McDonalds; she is a fan of crossing her arms at me, turning her head from me and hrumphing when she doesn't like what I tell her; my little ball of energy, smiles & giggles with a mind of her own!

They are my greatest accomplishments & the best birthday presents I could ever have!!

O Holy Night

So I have been a bit of a Scrooge this year.  I couldn't seem to get in the spirit of things.  Sometimes it just takes a little reminder of why we do what we do, a little reminder of the actual simplicity of the holiday.  So, here is how I found my spirit, my favorite rendition of my favorite carol (besides O Come O Come Emmanuel).  Now I'm not a Celine Dion fanatic or anything, but her singing of this carol brings tears to my eyes every time.

Little Things Mean Alot

Just another list of things my kiddos are up to right now.

1. Laura thoughtfully taps her finger to her cheek and says "Hmmmm, let me sink"
2. Sean is all about kisses.  He gives out kisses just wherever, on my arm, hand, shoulder, etc.
3. Laura has been using the potty a lot lately (however, still very much in pull ups).  After she goes, she hollers out "Wawa (Laura) went lellow (yellow)".  Don't know where that came from.
4. Laura has asked for ice cream for Christmas, that is all.
5. Sean has said he wants race cars.  When I asked what else, his response was, "Please just give me race cars . . . OH and a cupcake".
6. Julia is reading like mad.  She really loves it and I am amazed at the words she is able to read.  Scott and I can't spell to keep things from her anymore.
7. Julia and Sean have started setting the table for me.  They love it (for now).
8. Laura has started demanding kisses.  She will tell Scott or myself "Div me tisses!"
9. Laura's appetite is finally starting to diminish which is a good thing, because I don't think they make diapers any larger and she barely fits in her pull ups.  She is wearing a size 4/5 in clothes.
10. Julia hit a growth spurt a couple of months ago and went from a 6 to a 7 in a matter of a few weeks.  It was crazy.  All of the sudden one day nothing in her closet fit.  Her legs are getting very long.
11.  Laura has been terrorizing her brother and sister by picking on them and pushing them around.  Strange to say, I know, but she is definitely a force to be reckoned with.
12. Sean is going through his whining phase.  He whines about everything!
13. Sean is the SLOWEST eater!!  His finicky eating is finally going away, but holy cow it takes him forever to eat.  He likes to thank me and tell me how much he loves whatever I make.  So sweet!
14.  Laura has been stripping in bed at night.  Scott and I have discovered her more than a few times when we go to bed.  She is sound asleep all curled up, totally naked.  Those will make great bribery pictures.

I tried to get them each looking through one of the 3 holes in this at the same time, but had no luck.  

All in the Spirit of Giving

So, I have been wanting to really clean out and get rid of most of my kids' toys.  I need to do this for a few reasons.
1. My kids don't play with toys a whole lot.  They do more dress up and role play than anything else.  So many great toys go unplayed with most of the time.
2.  We live in a small house.  It's big enough for us, but not for excessive amounts of stuff.  I have been trying all year to really pare down what we all have.
3. And finally I know the kids will get so many new toys for Christmas, we have to make room for the new.

So, this year I enlisted my 5-year-old's help.  This past Saturday while my son was with my parents for the weekend Julia and I started digging in to the mountain of playthings.  I was so impressed with her ability to understand that while certain toys may be really cool, if we don't play with them they are just taking up valuable space.  Of course she found it much easier to wade through and toss her brother's things, she was remarkably unselfish with her own.

We had 2 different containers, trash & give away.  We trashed anything broken and made plans to donate all the rest.  I had spent the past few weeks prepping Julia by talking to her about the true meaning of Christmas and that we should give more than we receive.  Knowing that her toys would be going to a little boy or girl who went without really drove her.

The pinnacle of the morning came over a little pillow/carrier and blanket set that she has had for a year or so.  I told her that we had plenty of blankets and pillows and she didn't really use this one much.  It was the first item she was torn over, mainly she didn't want to part with the blanket.  Since, she had been doing so well with her giving I relented on this one and told her she could keep the blanket and we would donate the pillow.  I left it at that and left the room to do more cleaning.  About 10 minutes later she came in her room with the pillow.  I asked if she changed her mind and wanted to keep it too.  She said she was looking for the blanket.  I told her again that she could keep the set.  She neatly tucked the blanket in the pillow and hugged it close to her chest and replied, "No Mommy, I want to give it to a little girl who maybe doesn't have a pillow and blanket of her own."

My heart just melted at that moment.  She got it.  She got what God and Christmas are all about.  Giving.  Giving freely.  Giving unselfishly.  Putting others needs above our own.  I don't know about anyone else, but my Christmas has been made merry before the holiday has even begun by my little angel.

  

Feels Like Home

So this post comes a few days after our anniversary, but better late than never.  Its been 7 years now and each one of them have brought their own joys, challenges, changes, sorrows & excitement.  Year 7 has been really itchy and I think both Scott and I are ready to move on to number 8.  Here are 7 things I love about my husband and our life together:

1. Patience:  I love that he has so much patience with me even when I am being ridiculous.
2. Laughter: I love that he works so hard to inject laughter into every moment, even when I am being cranky.
3. Passion: I love that he is as passionate for me as he was the day we got married.
4. Hardworking: I love that he works so diligently at his job, church, our home and for my family & his.  He knows that what he does he does to make the world a better place for me & our children.
5. Spontaneity:  I love that he continually gets me out of my mold and helps me to be spontaneous.
6. Support:  I love the fact that when my alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m. and I roll over, he asks why I am not going running, because he knows how good it makes me feel.
7. Selfless:  I love that he is willing to give up most of the things he loves to do so I can do the things I want or need to do.

I love you bunches Scott!!!!

Cute Things

Not a very catchy title, I know, but it will have to do.

This weekend we were at my parents house.  Sean starts crying and saying "It's a pokey ball, get the pokey ball"  It took my parents and I a minute to figure out that he was talking about a sticker.  :-)  I guess now we call them "pokey balls".

I also just have to post this picture all by itself to just say that I think Laura's face personifies pure unadulterated joy.  I think this will be one of my favorite pictures forever.

Oh where, oh where has my barrette gone . . .

So, yesterday (as I was writing my previous post) Julia's teacher calls me on my cell phone in the middle of the day.  Now this is usually never a good sign and yesterday proved to be no exception.  I figured she had a bad cough or fever since all 3 of the kids have been fighting off a cold for the past week.  But oh no!!!  It couldn't be that simple.  No . . . what my 5-year-old's teacher let me know was that during naptime Julia had swallowed her hair barrette.  And I knew exactly which one it was.  I remember really insignificant details such as this, I always called it useless knowledge.  On this particular day, though, it was anything but useless.

I immediately called our pediatrician.  She wanted to see her and have x-rays done since the barrette was metal and was pointy.  So, I get on the phone trying to find a someone to babysit my other 2 who were sleeping so innocently.  Thank heavens for my awesome friend Julie who was here within 5 minutes and stayed until my mother-in-law could come over.

After a couple of hours, an exam & x-rays we were headed home with our poop catchers, lots of gloves and tongue depressors (apparently they also work for digging in feces-eewww).  The barrette made it safely down her esophagus and was just sitting there at the top of her tummy.  I could see it plain as day on the x-rays.  Now we just have to wait and pray that it goes through the lower intestine as smoothly as it went through the esophagus.  Oh and did I mention that we have to go through her poop until we find it?  I told Julia that she was going to have to do this part.  She doesn't believe me!!!

Julia was a trooper through the whole thing.  Scott and I did have a serious talk with her about why we don't put things in our mouths that don't belong there.  Hopefully we will all learn a lesson from this incident!!

Halloween Happenings

We survived Halloween this year!!!  With 3 small children, I really think that is a statement worthy of a few exclamation points, right??  Last week our youth group put on a Halloween party so that was the first time the kids got to wear their costumes.  The plan was Julia-Supergirl, Sean-knight & Laura-Minnie Mouse.

So, in true me fashion, I was trying to get them ready at the last minute and Julia's costume (which was a hand-me-down from a friend last year) was too small.  She has recently gone through a warp speed growth spurt and none of her clothes fit.  I, under my new alias-Scatter Brained Mom, failed to consider the fact that she would have outgrown the costume as well as all her other stuff (if you didn't catch it, this statement is dripping with sarcasm).  Luckily, I had received a few more hand-me-down costumes for Julia this year, so Pebbles she became.  Also, lucky for me, Julia is very easy going about stuff like this.  However, she wouldn't wear the wig, so Scott pulled the bone out of the wig and I put it in her hair and it worked.  She even won the cutest costume at the party.

Sean and Laura's getting ready was not fraught with near as much drama.  Laura couldn't wait to be "Minnie Mouse Clubhouse" (as she dubbed herself).  Sean was thrilled to be "brave knight".  He picked his costume based on its accessories.  While in Target he picked out a big toy sword and told me, "Mom, I just want to be whatever I have to be to carry this sword".  He even started talking in third person.  Before I had his shoes on him he was running around his room & slipped.  He didn't realized I was listening and said "oh, the brave knight just fell"  I about fell out laughing!!

Saturday was the pumpkin patch and Scott and I barely survived it.  All I wanted was for the kids to have fun, get some good pictures & to get pumpkins.  Apparently, my expectations were WAY too lofty.  We did end up with pumpkins though.

Our Sunday night pumpkin carving could have gone a little smoother, but we got the job done,  the seeds roasted & Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin watched.  So, all in all it was a success.

Last night the kids were so awesome.  We had dinner at a friend's house and then we trick or treated with a couple of families.  All the kids had a blast.  Laura was a little trooper hanging in there for the duration.  In fact, I think she might have been able to outlast everyone.  Sean decided he was done after 10 or so houses and just declared he had had enough.

All in all, it was a very memorable Halloween.

Spiders for Dinner

Just had to share this idea I got off of Pinterest.  The kids loved it!!  This is the way it started out.  Cut up hot dogs.  Break spaghetti in half and insert (I found that 4 pieces worked best) into hot dogs slices.

Then just boil according to spaghetti package directions and this is what you get.

 They ate them all up!!

Kids

Not a very creative I admit, but I am not feeling very inspired lately so it will have to do.  Here are a few things my kiddos have been up to lately:

1. Laura has really started talking like an adult in complete sentences.  Bye bye to the caveman speak!
2. Sean has discovered the computer and loves it.  He would play on it all day and he is very naturally computer literate (like his daddy).
3. Gracey called Julia on the my cell phone the other day to "just talk".  That would be her first ever social phone call (sniff sniff).
4. Laura seems to still be growing (90th percentile for height & weight) and is now creeping into a size 5.

5. Sean is going through the terrifying threes and is driving us all nuts with his tantrums & generally bad behavior.  Guess he is just asserting himself as a guy & trying to find his place in the family.
6.  Julia has shot up in height (need to measure her) and has jumped from a size 6 to a 7 almost overnight.
7. Laura refuses to tee tee on the potty so my dreams of having one potty trained before the age of 3 may be dashed.
8. All 3 of them love school and can't wait to go each morning. :-)

9. Sean says he prefers to use his left hand, but can use either.  Scott is so excited cause he wants to teach him to play sports left-handed.
10. Sean is finally getting a little bit of an appetite.  However, his 4s (which he has to have for the length) still swallow him up.  Thank heaven's for the person who invented the cinch straps for children's pants.
11.  Julia got her first real pedicure at a grown-up nail place with her Auntie this past Sat.

12.  Julia & Sean LOVE the theater.  Auntie took them to see Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day at a children's theater this past Sat.

9-11 Always Remember

It seems that most of us feel the need to recount what we were doing "that day".  I remember growing up listening to my parents describe what they were doing when President Kennedy was shot & my grandparents retell what they were doing when Pearl Harbor was bombed.  Most of us recognize the need to vividly remember the pain & devastation of "that day".

I have the most horrid memory (except for silly little trivial things that serve no purpose), but I do recall some parts of that day.  I was teaching 5th grade at the time and remember my aunt calling me on my classroom phone, which I rarely ever received calls on.  Not being able to leave my kids unattended, it was awhile before I could piece the whole thing together.  I remember a sense of denial then shock and then fear.  I am sure we all wondered at some point who was going to be next.  It was awhile before I was able to send my kids off to P.E. and stand in the teacher's lounge and watch in horror at the videos.  It was so difficult to teach anything the rest of the day.  Many of the children left early as their parents rushed to the school to take them home.  I don't really remember what I did for the rest of the day, but I think I will forever remember the feeling of terror and devastation.

We are fighters & survivors, though and we rallied around the flag and showed the terrorists that Americans don't break so easily.  However bruised and battered, we always seem to band together and derive strength from such tragedies.  I suppose that is what remembering does for us, gives us hope & strength that others before us have fought the good fight and survived.

Thanks and God bless you to all who gave their lives and loved ones.  Your pain and sacrifice will never be forgotten.

Lake Love

Recently my parents purchased a small place on a lake.  The whole family was in on the decision to make the purchase with our list of pros and cons.  It's a place that needs a lot of work, but it does have a small 2-bedroom trailer and an old boat dock.  Once purchased my wonderful hard working hubby & father start discussing all the possibilities for the place.  Then a few weeks ago we decide that Labor Day should be a lake labor weekend.  So, my hard working hubby & father took last week off and set out to get the place ready for the family.  Now, not to be left out, my hard working mother had been spending weeks making the trailer nice and clean and homey, and boy was it.

By Friday it was still messy and a little rough (no water except in the lake and even that is lower than it's been in 20 years), but I took the kids out there to start our weekend.  I must say that I am so glad we did!!  We all had the best time & I remember why I love the lake so much.  I have such warm memories of spending weekends & holidays at my grandparents lake place and now we are making those memories for my kiddos.  And boy howdy did they play!!!  No TV and they went nuts playing and being creative.  They had their first ever baths in the lake and thought it was pretty neat.  Looking forward to many more great times to come!!  Thanks Mamere & Grandaddy!

The trailer pre-work weekend. 

The lot pre-work weekend.

The dock pre-work weekend.

View from the dock pre-work weekend.

The source of the carnage (not Julia).

The property after Scott tore it all up.  All this should be covered by water.

Getting ready for our morning paddle boat ride.  Thanks for the paddle boat Grandaddy!!

There's my hard workin hubby.  Isn't he cute??

View from the paddle boat.

Waiting on a paddle boat ride.  Aren't they sweet??

Shower Finished

So the shower is finished.  Woo Hoo!!  And we are moving right along . . . chug a chug chug a chug footloose and fancy free.  Sorry I always follow up that statement with those words, sung of course even only in my head sometimes.  What can I say I am child of the 80's and the muppets just rock.

Okay, back on track!  So the other night Scott pulled out our vanity & is working on finishing the plumbing right now.  This weekend is pretty open for us right now and I am hoping to get another big chunk of work finished.  If we could just get the big stuff completed, the rest I can work on a little here and a little there.

I am ready to have my small humble master bath back.  It's hard to share one toilet with 3 small children, one whom is only 6 months potty trained and still can't hold it.  The other morning I was showering while Scott was emptying the trash and Julia was going to the potty.  Wow!!  There is nothing like family togetherness.  I know this statement would mortify her in a few years.

My Baby

Julia-only minutes old

It seems strange to me that this was actually 5 years ago.  She is my first, the one who made me a Mommy.  Some days I thought would never end & some I didn't want to.  As a very colicky baby I held her very close for the better part of the first 3-4 months of her life and now, tomorrow, I must let her move on to this exciting new chapter in her young life.  I know that to some starting Kindergarten may seem like "not that big of a deal" in the grand scheme of things, but to this stay-at-home mommy it's the end of a very special chapter in both of our lives.  I have been blessed in that I have been able to stay home with my children.  Staying home has its up & downs, but one of the greatest perks is the freedom.

Julia's First Haircut

 Then comes Kindergarten, and a certain level of that freedom is removed.  This is precisely why I say the end of the chapter.  However, it is also the beginning.  It's the beginning of a very exciting time in a child's life, the opportunity to begin growing, learning, sharing, developing and maturing into the woman she will one day become.

I love you bunches my sweet Julia & I know that you will love school and excel.  Thank you for five wonderful years of being nothing more than my sweet little girl.  Your Daddy and I now send you one little step into the big world knowing that God will protect and guide you, forever lighting your path with His love.

Moving Forward

So today is the day we move forward on our bathroom remodel.  Scott has been slowing tearing it up here and there in his spare time & we bought all the materials to finish (except the beadboard).

*shower tile . . . check
*shower floor tile . . . check
*shower accent tile . . . check
*floor tile . . . check
*precut marble counter top . . . check
*undermount sink . . . check
*shower & sink fixtures . . . check

So, we are good to move forward today.  Now Scott doesn't shy away from much but he has been really worried about pouring a new shower pan.  So we decided to have someone do it for us instead.  They will be here in a little while and we are just going to have them tile the whole shower while they are here.  So hopefully by the end of the day today, I will have my shower back.  Woo Hoo!!

Now I realized that I never came back and loaded pictures of our before & during demo so I have included a few here.  

This is where it all started with the tiles falling into the wall.

Here we are "back to the studs".

This is my fabric choice.  I just love this!